An actual receipt that I got at Ross the other day when I was feeling particularly dark. Changed my perspective for sure...
Declaration
16 years ago
Monday, October 26, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
some real wisdom on love
Well, in the on-going effort to be open and transparent, following is an email that I sent my friend and Pastor, Guy Gray, in response to a meeting about two weeks ago where I asked for his complete honest input into my recent heart break, general life state, etc. I left feeling so clear and calm that I decided to write it down to remember. I feel like I need to share with you as an action of accountability, but also encouragement. Truth is a useful thing.
Guy-
As ever, thank you for sharing some of your valuable time with me. I know lots of folks are struggling with even more tangible and overwhelming obstacles right now and I appreciate that you make time for my little spirit. When I entered your office I was completely worn out from heart ache, life stress and a broken internet connection at AOET. Truly the end of the line… But I left feeling peace and hope. So thanks for help being a reminder of the truth of Jesus and a bit of the calm in the storm. I thought I would recap my takeways—as an effort to remember the some of the truth we shared.
A vague “word from God”, feeling, etc. shouldn’t replace common sense or general practice:
From the beginning, I knew we shouldn’t date until the divorce was completely done. No matter how long or "complete" the separation had been. Yet, I let a gray area creep in and moved forward when I shouldn’t have. I didn’t want to trust my own common sense and found reasons to ignore it. And then once “in”, we learned that the unanimous truth is that a person needs at least 2 years to deal with the scars of divorce. We decided together that all common sense and practice wasn’t relevant in our situation. I think I will just make the bold statement that it is never healthy to go against the overwhelming advice of experts—when they ALL are in agreement—unless the advice is directly conflicting the truth of the Bible. (OK, I will say it. Duh.)
Weird coincidences should not be considered “signs from God”:
The fact that I had just moved my cell service to ATT and he had ATT—so we could talk on the phone for free-- was not a sign from God. The fact that he really like Arrested Development was not a sign from God. And the fact that he really loved coffee was not a sign from God. (What Christian believer doesn’t love coffee?) Instead, only Biblical truth, prayer and honest input from other believers that know me deeply should have been added into the math when I was making big decisions.
The heart lies:
What can I add to that?
Don’t fall off the face of the earth onto boy island or any other island:
There is a reason that I have a community—to witness and speak into my life. The heart wants to run away and fall in love—but if I am building a life called by God—then my inner circle needs lots of exposure to my crazy ideas and TIME to give feedback. I need to be intentional about utilizing all the folks I have been so richly blessed with. I even may need to be forceful—and say, “Hey! I need your attention and thought here in my life”—rather than waiting for my friends to tell me what they really think. (Who wants to be a love buzz kill?) Oh, and never trust ladies when it comes to boy advice—they all are so exited for the wedding that none of them think clearly…
Don’t make big decisions in a place of desolation, but also don’t make big decisions in a place of confusion, instability or emptiness (which is probably an expanded definition of desolation):
I know that God gives us His peace when we follow His leading—so if I am a total confused, broken and weak mess trying to make significant decision—then something is wrong. I need to just stop, put the decision on hold and put the actor or action away from myself until I can make a clear decision in the peace of Christ. Not that I need to run from all decisions, but on the BIGGIES I need to have a heart full of deep consolation and peace. No life circumstance should overwhelm the peace of the Spirit when we are truly in intimate and obedient relationship with God.
Don’t put God on my timeline:
I am watching my life clock tick on and am beginning to panic that I will never have the life “I want”—So I give God deadlines for being faithful to me and don’t actually operate out of complete trust. I need to remember that I am a lil player in God’s plan and I am called to joyfully, patiently and hopefully walk with Him in His work, plan and timing. No exceptions.
Never rush healthy pain or try to force healing:
It is so important to let healing run it’s course—to not jump into the next “thing” to fill the whole within with some other person or thing. Nothing is served by just facing ahead and trying to “move on”. To be available to God and others we need to be healthy and complete in Christ first. So I will give my self time and space to heal and will not jump into any new major life plans until I am no longer raw and frayed. However long that takes. If Chris had done this, I would not be where I am today. As you challenged, it is now my opportunity to make the same bad decision or walk forward in wisdom. I think this is a lesson that is permanently burnt into my heart. I never want to do this to anyone else and resolve to heal before I jump into a relationship, job or any major life decision.
God loves me…a lot:
I am loved. And this present storm is not an example of why God doesn’t love me or doesn’t have good plans for me. It’s actually the opposite—even though I don’t exactly feel that and may never really understand why this lesson had to be learned this way—but it is part of God’s hand drawing me nearer to what matters (His glory) and refining me more to be like Jesus. True love has to hurt sometimes to correct false love.
Did I miss any key points? Pretty impressive list for less than an hour. And this is why I thank God for your impact on my life daily.
In His Grace, Love and Correction,
-Tina
Guy-
As ever, thank you for sharing some of your valuable time with me. I know lots of folks are struggling with even more tangible and overwhelming obstacles right now and I appreciate that you make time for my little spirit. When I entered your office I was completely worn out from heart ache, life stress and a broken internet connection at AOET. Truly the end of the line… But I left feeling peace and hope. So thanks for help being a reminder of the truth of Jesus and a bit of the calm in the storm. I thought I would recap my takeways—as an effort to remember the some of the truth we shared.
A vague “word from God”, feeling, etc. shouldn’t replace common sense or general practice:
From the beginning, I knew we shouldn’t date until the divorce was completely done. No matter how long or "complete" the separation had been. Yet, I let a gray area creep in and moved forward when I shouldn’t have. I didn’t want to trust my own common sense and found reasons to ignore it. And then once “in”, we learned that the unanimous truth is that a person needs at least 2 years to deal with the scars of divorce. We decided together that all common sense and practice wasn’t relevant in our situation. I think I will just make the bold statement that it is never healthy to go against the overwhelming advice of experts—when they ALL are in agreement—unless the advice is directly conflicting the truth of the Bible. (OK, I will say it. Duh.)
Weird coincidences should not be considered “signs from God”:
The fact that I had just moved my cell service to ATT and he had ATT—so we could talk on the phone for free-- was not a sign from God. The fact that he really like Arrested Development was not a sign from God. And the fact that he really loved coffee was not a sign from God. (What Christian believer doesn’t love coffee?) Instead, only Biblical truth, prayer and honest input from other believers that know me deeply should have been added into the math when I was making big decisions.
The heart lies:
What can I add to that?
Don’t fall off the face of the earth onto boy island or any other island:
There is a reason that I have a community—to witness and speak into my life. The heart wants to run away and fall in love—but if I am building a life called by God—then my inner circle needs lots of exposure to my crazy ideas and TIME to give feedback. I need to be intentional about utilizing all the folks I have been so richly blessed with. I even may need to be forceful—and say, “Hey! I need your attention and thought here in my life”—rather than waiting for my friends to tell me what they really think. (Who wants to be a love buzz kill?) Oh, and never trust ladies when it comes to boy advice—they all are so exited for the wedding that none of them think clearly…
Don’t make big decisions in a place of desolation, but also don’t make big decisions in a place of confusion, instability or emptiness (which is probably an expanded definition of desolation):
I know that God gives us His peace when we follow His leading—so if I am a total confused, broken and weak mess trying to make significant decision—then something is wrong. I need to just stop, put the decision on hold and put the actor or action away from myself until I can make a clear decision in the peace of Christ. Not that I need to run from all decisions, but on the BIGGIES I need to have a heart full of deep consolation and peace. No life circumstance should overwhelm the peace of the Spirit when we are truly in intimate and obedient relationship with God.
Don’t put God on my timeline:
I am watching my life clock tick on and am beginning to panic that I will never have the life “I want”—So I give God deadlines for being faithful to me and don’t actually operate out of complete trust. I need to remember that I am a lil player in God’s plan and I am called to joyfully, patiently and hopefully walk with Him in His work, plan and timing. No exceptions.
Never rush healthy pain or try to force healing:
It is so important to let healing run it’s course—to not jump into the next “thing” to fill the whole within with some other person or thing. Nothing is served by just facing ahead and trying to “move on”. To be available to God and others we need to be healthy and complete in Christ first. So I will give my self time and space to heal and will not jump into any new major life plans until I am no longer raw and frayed. However long that takes. If Chris had done this, I would not be where I am today. As you challenged, it is now my opportunity to make the same bad decision or walk forward in wisdom. I think this is a lesson that is permanently burnt into my heart. I never want to do this to anyone else and resolve to heal before I jump into a relationship, job or any major life decision.
God loves me…a lot:
I am loved. And this present storm is not an example of why God doesn’t love me or doesn’t have good plans for me. It’s actually the opposite—even though I don’t exactly feel that and may never really understand why this lesson had to be learned this way—but it is part of God’s hand drawing me nearer to what matters (His glory) and refining me more to be like Jesus. True love has to hurt sometimes to correct false love.
Did I miss any key points? Pretty impressive list for less than an hour. And this is why I thank God for your impact on my life daily.
In His Grace, Love and Correction,
-Tina
Monday, October 5, 2009
Declaration
Maybe this is very Junior High of me, but I find myself having the same internal conversations lately--some healthy and some not. In the Bible they frequently document important ideas in a prayer or song. I decided to gather some of the things I am committing to in one document.
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